I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
