WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
