Don't make out with my wife yet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
