I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
