she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
