Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's always time for handjobs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
