wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Floor bacon is actually really good
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
