Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
