k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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