My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
