the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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