This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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