your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
