no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
