Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
