i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
