I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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