This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
