Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
