i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i dont even know how to be here
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
