They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you had me at cake vodka
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
