I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Boobs are out for the taking
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
