I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
