worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
