After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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