woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
