I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
