thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
