Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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