I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
