The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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