true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have post one night stand depression
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