Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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