put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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