I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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