dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is Oprah even human
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
