Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
