So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
