She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
