Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
