if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
