I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
