dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
