We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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