If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
