but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
