A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
