I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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