Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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