I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
